Film Corner! Moses Time

Hey, remember when I wrote about all those Bible-inspired movies that various Hollywood muckety-mucks had in their pipelines of totally unoriginal material that definitely needs to be put on the big screen...? Well, GOOD NEWS: Steven Spielberg is closing in on a commitment to direct an epic about Moses for Warner Bros.

With a working title of Gods And Kings, what's envisioned is "a movie like a Braveheart-ish version of the Moses story," an insider tells us. "Him coming down the river, being adopted, leaving his home, forming an army, and getting the Ten Commandments." ... But this film is as far from a remake of the Cecile B. DeMille-directed epic as you can get even though they cover similar ground. Instead Warner Bros wants Spielberg to direct it with the gritty reality of Saving Private Ryan, which is considered a masterpiece redefining battle movies. "There have been glossy versions of the Moses story but this would be a real warrior story," an insider tells us.

Perfect.

The only question now is who should play this Braveheart-like Moses. Can't be Mel Gibson, since he's busy making his movie about the story of Hanukkah. Oh, and also, he's a raging anti-Semite!

In the well-established tradition of casting the whitest white man who ever whited to play any Biblical character, I'm going to predict Sir Sam Worthington to be cast as Moses.

Fantasy Casting: Jeff Goldblum.

The Golden Globes Open Thread

MEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!
Does anyone want to talk about the Golden Globes last night? Let's talk about the Golden Globes last night!

Actually, I live-tweeted them, so I don't have anything else to say, really. But I bet you do! Right? Come on, you totally do!

Here's my Executive Summary: Ricky Gervais is an asshole. Seth Rogen is vile. Meryl Streep is THE BEST. If anyone had to beat Amy Poehler, I'm glad it was Laura Dern. I would totally see a movie called "The Fartist." Also a movie about "War Whores." True Fact: Without advanced tweezer technology, Martin Scorsese and I would be eyebrow twinz. Cutting to people of color for reaction shots when Gervais makes racist jokes is TACKY AS FUCK. George Clooney loves Fassbender's dong. Alexander Payne and Wes Anderson should make a movie called "White People! So Fun! So Quirky! Also One Asian!" I give the Golden Globe for fastidious maintenance of the kyriarchy to the Hollywood Foreign Press. The end!

Film Corner!

Last March, I shared the exciting news that New Line was rebooting the beloved boobies-and-crotch-injuries standard-bearer Police Academy franchise. I'm sure many of you, like me, were beginning to worry that this magnificent cinematic revival was never going to happen, but FEAR NOT! The project now has a director:

New Line Cinema has set Scott Zabielski to direct Police Academy, its remake of the long-running film series that started at Warner Bros in 1984 and spanned seven films. ... Zabielski is making his feature directing debut after directing several seasons of episodes of the hit Comedy Central show Tosh.O.

PERFECT.