Jarvis Cocker: "Further Complications"
Selasa, 03 Januari 2012
Quote of the Day
"Ron Paul is disgusting."—Rick Santorum, who's got a pants full of poop over "robocalls that claim Santorum is both pro-choice and against the second amendment," for which Santorum believes Paul is responsible.
This probably marks the first occasion on which Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich, and I are all in agreement on something!
This probably marks the first occasion on which Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich, and I are all in agreement on something!
Primarily Horrendo
Here's the latest from Mission Inconceivable: Fart Protocol aka the Republican Primary...
Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh token lady oh boy oh boy! The Iowa Caucuses are today and you know what that means! People will win! People will lose! And people will drop out! Which will, if nothing else, make these posts shorter! In the meantime...
Rick Santorum is surging! (Ew.) A senior Santorum adviser (What a great job! "I advise you to keep being a cavernous void of charisma and decency! Ten thousand dollars, please!") tells CNN "the campaign raised more money in the last week than they raised on-line the past six months, adding that fundraising is between 300% and 400% higher on a daily basis than it was just ten days ago." That sounds very impressive until you find out that fundraising averaged one dollar and three Wendy's vouchers monthly until ten days ago.
Anyway! I bet all this surging (ew) has to do with Rick Santorum's sweater vests. (Great reporting, New York Times! Keep it up!)
Rick Perry, who is still definitely in the race and has not dropped out yet, is making a keen strategic play to lose by attacking not-frontrunner Rick Santorum. "This guy has proven that he can't win races when it matters against a liberal Democrat." Ha ha OH SNAP! Pointing out the glaringly obvious fact that Rick Santorum is unelectable! DAYUM! Who is Rick Perry's chief strategist—Machiavelli?!
P.S. Santorum did not run against and lose to a liberal Democrat. He ran against and lost to Bob Casey, who is an anti-choice Democrat.
P.P.S. If Santorum won the Republican Primary (ha ha I KNOW!), he would still not be running against a liberal Democrat.
P.P.P.S. If only!
Ron Paul, who apparently has a secret plan to actually win, is borrowing from the Perry Playbook (great idea!) and going after Rick Santorum by saying he is "very liberal." Yep. Good call, Ron Paul. You continue to impress me with your astute observations like "women are filthy whores," "black people are gross," and "Rick Santorum is very liberal." Go to hell, Ron Paul.
Jon Huntsman said this week zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Michele Bachmann has promised to "surprise a lot of people tonight." By winning, I think she means? Ha ha whatever. Who cares. Bachmann also bragged about having "more than 200 pastors endorsing her campaign." Two hundred pastors agree! Sure. But what do 30 Helens think?
Speaking of people who think they're going to win today (but actually have a chance), Mitt Romney says he's going to win! I think Mitt Romney has been reading The Secret, ya'll. Be the win, Willard!
Newt Gingrich, on the other hand, does not think he's going to win. Awwwwwww. Someone give Newt a copy of The Little Rightwing Extremist Ideologue Who Could. In other news, Newt Gingrich thinks Ron Paul is a stupid fuck. (I'm paraphrasing.) Well, at least we agree on SOMETHING, Newt Gingrich!
Good luck, Iowa! I hope you vote to throw all these candidates in the garbage.
Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.
Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh token lady oh boy oh boy! The Iowa Caucuses are today and you know what that means! People will win! People will lose! And people will drop out! Which will, if nothing else, make these posts shorter! In the meantime...
Rick Santorum is surging! (Ew.) A senior Santorum adviser (What a great job! "I advise you to keep being a cavernous void of charisma and decency! Ten thousand dollars, please!") tells CNN "the campaign raised more money in the last week than they raised on-line the past six months, adding that fundraising is between 300% and 400% higher on a daily basis than it was just ten days ago." That sounds very impressive until you find out that fundraising averaged one dollar and three Wendy's vouchers monthly until ten days ago.
Anyway! I bet all this surging (ew) has to do with Rick Santorum's sweater vests. (Great reporting, New York Times! Keep it up!)
Rick Perry, who is still definitely in the race and has not dropped out yet, is making a keen strategic play to lose by attacking not-frontrunner Rick Santorum. "This guy has proven that he can't win races when it matters against a liberal Democrat." Ha ha OH SNAP! Pointing out the glaringly obvious fact that Rick Santorum is unelectable! DAYUM! Who is Rick Perry's chief strategist—Machiavelli?!
P.S. Santorum did not run against and lose to a liberal Democrat. He ran against and lost to Bob Casey, who is an anti-choice Democrat.
P.P.S. If Santorum won the Republican Primary (ha ha I KNOW!), he would still not be running against a liberal Democrat.
P.P.P.S. If only!
Ron Paul, who apparently has a secret plan to actually win, is borrowing from the Perry Playbook (great idea!) and going after Rick Santorum by saying he is "very liberal." Yep. Good call, Ron Paul. You continue to impress me with your astute observations like "women are filthy whores," "black people are gross," and "Rick Santorum is very liberal." Go to hell, Ron Paul.
Jon Huntsman said this week zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Michele Bachmann has promised to "surprise a lot of people tonight." By winning, I think she means? Ha ha whatever. Who cares. Bachmann also bragged about having "more than 200 pastors endorsing her campaign." Two hundred pastors agree! Sure. But what do 30 Helens think?
Speaking of people who think they're going to win today (but actually have a chance), Mitt Romney says he's going to win! I think Mitt Romney has been reading The Secret, ya'll. Be the win, Willard!
Newt Gingrich, on the other hand, does not think he's going to win. Awwwwwww. Someone give Newt a copy of The Little Rightwing Extremist Ideologue Who Could. In other news, Newt Gingrich thinks Ron Paul is a stupid fuck. (I'm paraphrasing.) Well, at least we agree on SOMETHING, Newt Gingrich!
Good luck, Iowa! I hope you vote to throw all these candidates in the garbage.
Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.
It Ended Not with a Bang, But Indefinite Detention
[Content Note: Government-sanctioned injustice.]
On Dec. 31, Obama's final piece of presidenting for 2011 was a truly heinous stroke of his pen: He signed into law the National Defense Authorization Act, thus codifying into law the asserted authority to indefinitely detain any person, anywhere in the world, whom the US government deems to be a threat to US security.
Originally, Obama threatened to veto any bill that contained such a measure, but then signed the legislation anyway, justifying the reversal with the usual weakspeak: "Ultimately, I decided to sign this bill not only because of the critically important services it provides for our forces and their families and the national security programs it authorizes, but also because the Congress revised provisions that otherwise would have jeopardized the safety, security, and liberty of the American people."
It's some rich irony to rationalize indefinite detention with the rhetoric of liberty, especially considering that the provision gives the US government the right to indefinitely detain without trial or recourse "the American people" deemed to be enemies of the state, too.
The ACLU, who have vigorously objected to this assault on civil liberties and grave violation of international law, note: "While President Obama issued a signing statement saying he had 'serious reservations' about the provisions, the statement only applies to how his administration would use the authorities granted by the NDAA, and would not affect how the law is interpreted by subsequent administrations."
That is to say, President Obama recognizes the evident potential for abuse, but went ahead and signed it all the same. It's a power he wants—and he totes promises to use it in the GOOD way!—so who cares that a future president might use it to indefinitely imprison vocal ideological critics. Ha ha that could never happen!
ACLU Executive Director Anthony Romero calls Obama's signing of the National Defense Authorization Act into law "a blight on his legacy because he will forever be known as the president who signed indefinite detention without charge or trial into law. ... Any hope that the Obama administration would roll back the constitutional excesses of George Bush in the war on terror was extinguished."
Well. I can't add anything to that.
On Dec. 31, Obama's final piece of presidenting for 2011 was a truly heinous stroke of his pen: He signed into law the National Defense Authorization Act, thus codifying into law the asserted authority to indefinitely detain any person, anywhere in the world, whom the US government deems to be a threat to US security.
Originally, Obama threatened to veto any bill that contained such a measure, but then signed the legislation anyway, justifying the reversal with the usual weakspeak: "Ultimately, I decided to sign this bill not only because of the critically important services it provides for our forces and their families and the national security programs it authorizes, but also because the Congress revised provisions that otherwise would have jeopardized the safety, security, and liberty of the American people."
It's some rich irony to rationalize indefinite detention with the rhetoric of liberty, especially considering that the provision gives the US government the right to indefinitely detain without trial or recourse "the American people" deemed to be enemies of the state, too.
The ACLU, who have vigorously objected to this assault on civil liberties and grave violation of international law, note: "While President Obama issued a signing statement saying he had 'serious reservations' about the provisions, the statement only applies to how his administration would use the authorities granted by the NDAA, and would not affect how the law is interpreted by subsequent administrations."
That is to say, President Obama recognizes the evident potential for abuse, but went ahead and signed it all the same. It's a power he wants—and he totes promises to use it in the GOOD way!—so who cares that a future president might use it to indefinitely imprison vocal ideological critics. Ha ha that could never happen!
ACLU Executive Director Anthony Romero calls Obama's signing of the National Defense Authorization Act into law "a blight on his legacy because he will forever be known as the president who signed indefinite detention without charge or trial into law. ... Any hope that the Obama administration would roll back the constitutional excesses of George Bush in the war on terror was extinguished."
Well. I can't add anything to that.
Open Thread
Hosted by Rosie the Riveter.
Happy 2012, Shakers! The Radical Gay Secular Feminazi Cooter Agenda ain't gonna promulgate itself, people. Let's get to work!
Blog Note
It's not just the look of the blog that's new for the New Year: We've also got an updated Commenting Policy, so please make sure to check it out! Otherwise, the Shakesville Commenticorn will get a case of the sads.
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